The beginning...

I did not wake up one day and think "I want to be a Pagan! I want to be a part of one of the most hated, and misunderstood religions in the country!" No, my journey to this point was much different.
I had always had a "connection" to the earth. I had grown up thinking it was something in my blood. I am vaguely an american indian. I couldn't research that history much. All I was ever told is that the tribe I come from is the White Foot Indian Tribe. Whether or not there still is a tribe somewhere, I haven't the foggiest clue. I googled it once, and got zilch. Anywho, that is where I thought I got it... That warm and relaxing feeling when I walk on grass barefoot, or even rocks. It's hard to explain. It's a very grounding feeling. I wonder if it's similar to that feeling people say they have when they join the church. Not just become a member, but become a preist or nun. They say they "got the call". And I can't help but wonder if it's a similar feeling and sensation.

In 2003, I got married. It was a marriage I knew i wouldn't want to be in forever, but I fully expected to see it through. Yeah, didn't happen. But one afternoon I was flipping through the channels on the tv and saw the title "Practical Magic". I saw it had Sandra Bullock in it and I love her, so I watched it. It gave me a look at real witches. Well, minus all the hocus pocus of hollywood. They referred to something called "The Craft". This made me think of a movie I already owned called "The Craft". Of course, what that movie had in it wasn't anything I wanted to get into. It was a very negative look at the whole thing, however I still loved the movie. I ended up going online and searching "The Craft" for any info I could on the real Craft, that wasn't overflowing in Hollywood crap.
I saw a link to Barnes and Noble website for a book titled The Craft by Dorothy Morrison. Then that lead me to their entire library of Pagan and Wiccan books. I purchased The Craft and began my research into what seemed to be a religion I might be able to finally agree with.
I was getting into Wicca. I really liked it. I agreed with everything! A Goddess and a God! All the energies, etc... I love it all and couldn't wait to learn more!

Then in April of 2004, I had a tubal pregnancy. Long story short, it almost killed me. They told me in the hospital that even though I was already hooked up to IV's and such, they couldn't promise they could save me if it ruptured even though I was already in the ER. They wasted to time getting me into surgery. Right when they had almost everything in place, it finally ruptured sending large amounts of blood throughout my abdomen. But because they already had most of their equipment hooked up and ready to go, it was no problem. While waiting around for the surgery, I was perfectly calm. I wasn't paniced. I was doing just fine.
After the surgery, I thought I should give this god thing a real shot. Maybe church really was for me and I was just too blind or stubborn to know it! So I tried it for a year. I attended church every other Sunday (the Sundays I didn't work). I even helped with vacation bible school that year. But I could never get that warm and relaxing feeling I got from Wicca. I have found that most people find a comfort in God. I didn't. I just felt down right silly for being there. And me being there trying to make it "work" just made me feel like a giant fraud. So I made excuses for a while to my mother as to why I couldn't go. Then I quit all together.

So, I went back to the only thing I had found thus far that I did agree with, Wicca/Paganism. I tried to learn as much as possible, and searched the internet in depth. One of the first websites I found was Witchvox. On that site is where I found the location for our local metaphysical shop, which happened to be right down the street from me!! How did I never notice that before?
The next thing I found was WitchSchool! This is a website that has classes! Real classes! I can take them onlnie at my own pace! YAY! So I dove in head first and emmersed myself with everything WitchSchool could teach me! At this time I had a Basic (free) Membership, but I am not a life time memeber. Eventually I came across a class that would teach me how to make my wand (Wand 101 I believe it was called). Soon after, I had my wand that I made from a stick on the ground. I had never made anything. I'm not really arty.

From there, I learned everything from basic knowledge and history to how to conduct my own rituals. I am pretty good at observing the full moon and new moon every month. I've only half way observed the sabbats though. :-( This is one of my main goals. To go deeper into my spirituality and learn more. To observe the sabbats and esbats regularly. I will also be learning more from different books, and from WitchSchool. Other goals include staying up to date on Pagan news and issues, and I REALLY REALLY want to attend the St. Louis Pagan Picnic next June!
This is the next chapter of my journey...

The Psychic Medium

Ok, so this may be a strange post to start with, but a co-worker of mine just told me this story. I wanted to put it down somewhere, and this seemed like the right place. :-)

My co-workers sister, we'll call her Shelly, randomly went to a psychic medium. Shelly was visiting a friend in Kentucky. This friend had an appointment booked with this psychic medium, who she sees every once in a while. The friend thought Shelly may benefit most from this appointment with the Medium, and said, "Go in my place." This particular Medium is completely booked through February. So Shelly couldn't just make her won appointment. So Shelly goes to the appointment. No jewelry, no professional looking clothing. Nothing that would say anything about her personal and/or work life. She is from out of state, so there was surely nothing they could get from her rental car.

So Shelly enters the Medium's (???) "shop". Immediately the Medium looks up at her and says, "You are not (insert friends name here). Shelly says, "No I'm not. My friend suggest I come in her place." They sit down and the Medium asks some questions, but nothing really probing. Shelly notices the Medium cock her head a little to the right and her eyes kinda gaze off into know where.

The Medium then looks right at her and says, "I'm feeling a VERY strong presence from someone. Who is Leigh?"
Shelly is stunned. "He's my brother."
"He wants me to make sure you know something... That he chose where he is, and he is happy" says the Medium.
Here's the backstory on that: Leigh is Shelly's brother who committed suicide a year or so ago.Shelly has had a hard time with his suicide.
The Medium continues... "I'm also getting another precense. I'm hearing the name John. Who is John?"
Shelly answers, "John was my grandfather."
"Ah yes. He's wearing overalls. I see him as a farmer." Continues the Medium.
"Yes, he was a farmer", Shelly confirms.
"John is with Leigh. And they are happy." The Medium assures her.

The Medium goes on to talk about this or that with career and whatnot. Then the conversation goes back to the family. The Medium cocks her head to the right again, and says, "I see an older woman. Her name starts with an 'M'. She's telling me "My name is M m m m!!!' Trying strongly to get it out, but it's not coming through. Maybe Marjorie? She's a very strong willed woman. And she's MYRTLE!!!! Her name is Myrtle! She got it out! Who is Myrtle?"
At this point Shelly burts into tears, "Myrtle is my Grandmother. My grandparents were John and Myrtle."
"Oh I see. Myrtle is there with John and Leigh." For a moment the Medium cocks her head to the side again and looks like she's trying to figure something out by the messages she's being given. The Medium explains, "Usually I feel the more elderly people strongest because they passed more naturally most of the time. But I'm feeling Leigh very strong right now. Was he young?"
Shelly answers curiously, "Yes, he was 40."
The Medium does not ask how he died. "Leigh seems to be coming through very strongly because he knows of some baggage that you carry with you. Something he wants you to give him and let him take away from you. I'm also getting the number 16. Does that number mean anything to you?"
"No, not that I can think of...", Shelly responds.
"Hmm.. Maybe it will come to you later. But Myrtle also wants you to let go of something. I am assuming it is the same thing Leigh wants you to let go of, and move on. Myrtle is saying 'Let this go and move on. You did the right thing. Let it go.' Do you know what she could be talking about?"
Shelly says, "I think so." And she starts to cry again.

Soon after the meeting is over. It is not until later when Shelly is talking to her sister, my co-worker, that they realize what 16 was probably all about. Shelly's first child died on May 16th. The baby was 18 months old and he drown. They both believe that this is what 16, and the excess baggage was that Leigh and Myrtle were so adament that Shelly let go and move on from.

I personally believe this too. I believe there are people out there who are psychics. A part of their brain works, that doesn't work in the average persons brain. While talking with my co-worker about this situation, I was reminded of something from my son's childhood, when he was 9 months old. Well, it happened a few times within the first few years of his life.

Richie was swinging away in his baby swing as he often did while I did laundry, dishes, showered, etc... I finished the dishes one day and I heard him laughing hystarlically. He didn't do that very much, at least not that hard. I walked into the livingroom to find him looking at a fixed point in space about 2-3 feet infront of him. He was looking up a little and very focused on something. I watched in amazement as I had just heard Sylvia Brown on Montell William's a few days before talk about how children, espcially babies, can see ghosts. I felt my father's precense myself. It was as if I could even see him standing over the swing, making funny faces at Richie and making him laugh. But I couldn't see him. There are some who are skeptical of this, of course. But I can't imagine what else it would have been. They say babies sometimes smile because they have gas. But I've never heard of a baby laughing really hard due to gas. I've never heard them laughing really hard about ANYTHING. Unless they were provoked. Perhaps by a very playful and funny Grandpa John. :-)